Hard Bristles

Here's a fact for ya. Adam Thomas never had a cavity. My teeth hate 'em and simply won't give them the time of day. I owe it to genes or more likely an undying loyalty to my dentist Dr. Rocco. From Grandfather to grandson, our family has been trusting the Rocco's with our pearly whites. Dr. Rocco Jr. never let me down and always led me on a path of righteous smiling.

One cardinal rule from the Roc was the toothbrush bristle. It was either soft or medium. That's it. No fancy designs and mountain landscapes necessary, just buy the soft or medium bristle. I've stuck by those words all my life. Then I left my toothbrush at Mud Fest and had to buy one in Korea.

I had no idea what toothbrush I was buying. I went for a simple color, slight variation on the bristle size and position, but nothing too exciting. I didn't give it much mind and like many of you I thought "a toothbrush is a toothbrush." Well a few brushes in I've come to the conclusion that I broke the Roc's golden rule and have a grim future ahead of me. I got hard. Hard bristles.

Being hard isn't all 2Pac and 50 Cent fun. It hurts the ones you love the most. Every time I brush, it literally feels like my teeth are being moved around inside my gums. I can't even brush the front chompers without a numb tingling sensation afterwards. Poor guys. You fight off cavities your whole life and this is how I tip my cap to you. Just applying toothpaste with a jackhammer.

I thought hard bristles were reserved for grandparents with false teeth made from oak and cement. That's not for me. I have to change my whole brushing technique. I lightly sway the brush back and forth like I'm painting the happiest pine trees in a damn water-color. It's a hard knock life.

Hard bristles, check.

Boryeong Mud Festival

Stephanie and I were both saying that we haven't had this much fun in South Korea in a long time. To make matters better we were expecting it to be pretty stupid. We both passed on the event last summer. Jumping around in mud and wrestling US Army guys is just something I've grown out of.

The Boryeong Mud Festival is a yearly event in the coastal city that boasts a healthy, vitamin enriched mud. Originally, locals would come both near and far to rub the mud on their skin and thus be beautiful. Visiting teachers and other foreigners have since caught on and Boryeong has seized the opportunity for huge tourism dollars. They have since added a good music lineup (by Korean standards) of foreign artists. Akon and Infected Mushroom headlined this years event. As well as a side stage on the beach with local acts from across the country. All of this is not to overshadow the main draw to the festival. 


Mud Plaza is set up right along the beach, as old men and women carry buckets of mud to a number of troughs. Surrounding the troughs is a theme park of inflatable slides, bouncy rooms, and tunnels to highlight the muddy experience. We skipped the theme park because the lines were pretty long and just covered ourselves from hair to butt crack to toenail in mud. It was way more fun than I thought and I didn't have to get beat into submission by Private 1st Class Peter Chinchetta. 


For me though, the best part was the weather. After two and a half weeks of constant cloudy skies and monsoon rains we had a picture perfect weekend at the beach. The town itself reminded me of Jersey shore towns with the souvenir shops and restaurants dotted along the beach. One of the bands played some covers that would've made me do a double take for Mr. Green Genes. The ocean was unbelievably warm and everyone in the crowd was having a good and non-obnoxious time. Korea best!

Boryeong Mud Festival, check

Usher

"You make me wanna leave the one I'm with, start a new relationship, with you. This is what you do."

- Usher

    

 I still remember that video. West Side Story dance fighting at it's best. Sadly I did not meet Usher, instead I was an usher. For my hagwon's mathematics presentation for prospective Korean parents. A perfect Friday night.

The past month or so our hagwon has been desperately trying to sign up more students. The quintessential problem with our school and many others, it drives me crazy to waste time and effort trying to make more money than better students. I have solicited outside the hagwon handing out packets of tissues with our school's logo, called our students at home so their parents could see them speaking English to us, and last week we canceled classes with current students to attend a math seminar completely in Korean.

But the Thomas Try Out I would gladly take back over any other was having to usher one of these events. The event was held in a rented out 6th floor room. It had maybe 21 tables with 7 seats at each, nice table cloths, snacks and bottled water atop each. Typical Holiday Inn presentation room type stuff. When you came up the elevator and exited there was the table with sign-in sheet and information packets. Then there were your friendly white-faced Americans, ready to escort you on an evening of awkwardness.

Stephanie and I were asked to usher the prospective clients into a seat. They had no assigned seats thus making our job pointless from the start. I stood in front of them, hands behind my back, sweat coming through my t-shirt, gesturing to a table somewhere in the middle of the pack. They would always walk a few steps than go in the opposite direction, farther from the stage or right up front. I would walk back to my spot by the elevator and pray for death.

When most of the expected attendance never came, my duties were altered to include intrusive and light conversation with our seated guests. I would talk to them for a minute or so, until we both established how clueless we were as to what the other was saying. If their English was very limited I would suggest they have some of the complimentary refreshments on the table that they were already eating anyway. I was never happier to see the presentation start so I could sit down and put myself out of my misery.

Then of course we had to sit through an hour and a half of revolutionary changes to the Korean Public school math exams. We stayed 30 minutes longer than we were initially supposed to and almost missed a previous engagement with some friends that night. It was uncomfortable and pointless and I would've rather gotten dance-punched by Usher than ever do it again.


Usher, check

Korean Bathroom

Yes they have toilets. As far as I know most homes have a porcelain throne rather than the very un-American "hole in the ground." That's not to say you won't find them. I've seen one in a coastal town a couple hours outside of Gwangju. Seen it and used it. It was fun.

Public restrooms vary with the establishment. If you're buying international cuisine you'll have a remarkably clean john to sit on. Bus terminals and rest stops, surprisingly nice. Smaller mom and pop restaurants will typically share a public bathroom, usually outside and around the corner. More like what we're used to in a public restroom in the States. But I want to talk about my bathroom.

I've lived here for 15 months and 3 apartments. The powder rooms were all the same except in size. My current bathroom is the smallest of the three but similar to most of my friend's. Toilet, mirror, medicine cabinet, and shower head. However, there is no bathtub or shower curtain to divvy up some privacy. Making every bathroom adventure a get-a-way resort. All inclusive, baby.

Turtle-head Bay, Hawaii

It was hard to get used to but like a shower on a winter morning it took some warming up. Having a shower, toilet, sink all in one has several advantages. Aside from the teeth brushing/shower combo that many adult males already partake in, I throw in a little tinkle. Not in the shower like some savages, but right into the potty like a good boy. This can also work vice versa. Perhaps a particularly foul number two requires a total body clean up? Stephanie! Get the shower head, I need to be hosed down!

But why stop there? The entire bathroom can be cleaned while you're cleaning yourself. Mildew, soap scum, beard trimmings. Scrubbed and washed away with the all encompassing shower head. It can be problematic if someone is in the shower and a fully clothed person needs to use the restroom. But that's why we keep a slicker and rain boots by the door.

Korean Bathroom, check

*Thomas Tried Out

Soju

Imagine a perfect storm. What does it look like? Is it a doppler image on the weather channel? A fantastic movie starring Marky Mark? When I think of a perfect storm I imagine the living room of any 20 something foreigner here in Korea after discovering the bottle. This 12 oz. green, glass bottle can be found almost anywhere, costs only a dollar, and may be the most dangerous substance in the country. I'm talkin' bout soju.

Soju is the most popular beverage in Korea and more recently the world. You will find them on almost every table at every restaurant at every meal. If there's only one then it's probably a married couple out to dinner and if you see seven it's three co-workers out for lunch. I was stunned to find the drinking culture far more uninhibited here than back home. Koreans may be reserved about a lot of things but strapping on a pair of wastey-pants isn't one of them.

Soju tastes like a watered down vodka with a slight chemical after taste. It's not horrible by any means and Lord knows I've seen and drank much worse. It can be mixed with damn near anything and is totally unnoticeable. This is great and terrible all at the same time. One such mixture is Powerade and Soju, hence the moniker Poju (ironically "poju" means pimp in Korean). If the Poju mix still can't convince you to try Korea's best, then lucky for you there are several games that can be played after opening a bottle to ensure it disappears along with your memories of the evening.

The stuff can be brutal if you're not used to it. I brought a couple bottles back home with me last October and I remember everybody dancing and then just disappearing in front of my eyes. Vaporized! If you have no tolerance for it, it will reward you with the best hangover you've ever had. But I shouldn't give soju such a bad wrap. They also make school lunches much more bearable.

Soju, check

Thomas Tried Out

Dakgalbi

I had no clue what to expect when I came here. The only thing I heard was that they ate dog. They being all Koreans and dog being man's best friend. My vision of restaurants depicted my friend Kenny being quickly ushered behind an tattered afghan hanging on the wall to a red room in dim, red lighting. It was in this room where all Koreans ate their dog.

Unfortunately I have yet to find this room and taste this dog. I have however broadened my vision of what Korean food is and can be. My first meal here, right off the bus, at 10 o'clock at night, was a soup made of congealed blood. Not dog but probably cow. Since then I've had the luxury to try most of Korea's traditional dishes. And while there are too many to list and too few words in my brain to convey their deliciousness, I do have a favorite.

Dakgalbi is a dish, like many, cooked on an open flame right at your table. Diced chicken and rice cake ,marinated in a spicy pepper paste, sit atop cabbage and sesame leaves. The ingredients vary but I can only describe what's in my heart when I think of my favorite meal in Korea. The ingredients are heated up in a pan until the chicken is cooked and the leaves are withered. This is a gui dish so a bottle of cold beer or makgeoli compliments perfectly. Once you've finished about three quarters of the pan you ask for a bowl of rice with carrots, dried seaweed, and cheese. Cheese is a western twist since it is rarely used in any Korean dishes but it makes this comfort food even more cozy.

The dish is reheated and mixed with the remaining chicken, rice cake, and leaves until everything is covered and marinated in the chili pepper paste. The second course is ready to go after a few minutes and your bill will probably come to $6-7 a person. Knowing you just ate perfection for the price of a Burger King value meal is the best dessert you could ask for.

Dakgalbi, check

Thomas Tried Out

Name a Child after Kevin McKeever

Without debate, one of the true bright spots in Korean hagwons, is the power to bequeath English names to your students. In my experience it's mostly done when the students are young, Kindergarten and early elementary, but the bulk of my naming was done with 2 - 3 year olds. It can get awkward when you're naming a teenager. To avoid it you just need a really sweet all-American name.

I haven't had as much fun with this as some of my contemporaries. My friend Kenny got pretty silly naming little Kim's and Lee's, Rex, Cliff, Tyrone, and Lesean. Note the Philadelphia sports references. However, some one within our ranks as educators and leaders managed to bring a Rapunzel and Penguin into this beautiful world, showcasing his/her naming rights in grandiose fashion.

I kept mine simple. Thomas, Billy, Justin, and Chase (my last name, as in Madison, Steph's brother, and my baseball hero). Yesterday however I was approached with a challenge. A new student from the wrong side of the tracks but with the right intentions. A challenge named Min. This name is by far one of the easier names to pronounce in hangeul but at the request of our school manager he should be given an English name. And bestow the name I did.

Min is tall for his age. 10 or 11 most likely. He has dark eyes and dark skin. From first impressions he is very intelligent and speaks/reads very well. He is terribly shy however, and I needed to give him the perfect name. A name to make him forget about his troubled home-life and the separation between himself and his peers. I could see there was a magical caged tiger in Min's eyes, waiting for his true powers to be revealed.

As a test, I presented Min with several names to choose from. I wrote them on the board in purple marker, the color of royalty. Drew, Kenny, Josh, Dave, Pete, Kevin. I read through the names once and looked for a response. Min was quiet. I read them again and asked the class which names they preferred. Drew, Josh, and Pete elicited laughter. Kenny was supported by one girl in the class and Dave was ignored. When I read "Kevin" a second time, there was silence. Then like flowers blooming from the earth, hands reached up. One after another until Min's hand confidently shot toward the sky. "Class," I said. "I'd like you to welcome a new student.  His name is Kevin."

I walked toward my desk and slid open the top drawer. I reached in and pulled out a sawed off pool cue. Walked up to the magical tiger and tapped his right shoulder, left, and the crest of his head.

Name a child after Kevin McKeever, check