This was not the role I envisioned myself having. I was supposed to be behind the camera, zooming in on bikini clad women, surrounded by white sand and blue waves. However, I was offered a different perspective as I tried on the role of the bikini clad coed.
This morning's kindergarten activities were all the same. Usually we offer an intensely diverse curriculum for our 3-6 year olds. Math, Language Arts, Science, Cooking, Geography. I kid you not, Geography. Well, there is a new semester coming up and preparations have already begun to woo new parents, so we had to switch gears a bit and focus on the prize ahead. That's how I ended up being a model for our school's new calendar.
Don't be fooled. I'm not overwhelmingly handsome enough to overtake all 12 months of 2013, but I wouldn't be surprised if I was Miss March and hopefully Miss September. All of the english teachers at our school were posed and prodded into photogenic positions. I like to think mine were a bit more memorable.
We'll start with my first shoot. The Art Class. I'm assuming each month will debut a class activity that our school offers. Phonics, Cooking, Science, etc. We don't actually have an art class currently but who's to say a handsome American face can't make that happen?
My kindergarten class and I were ushered out of our classroom and into a neighboring one. Inside, 4 easels were set up with a clean sheet of paper. In the center of the room was a lone table. My stage. I sat down on the table and offered poses I remembered from Will Ferrell's skit on SNL. The students began to draw, the camera snapped away, and I was in a Korean school posing for their upcoming calendar. Don't ever let anyone tell you dreams don't come true.
When I wore the camera out, I was headed outdoors for some fun in the sun. I would be shooting for the P.E. portion of our curriculum (also non-existent). Two miniature basketball hoops were set up opposite each other and a new class was gathered around me in between. My assignment was a tricky one. The ever elusive "action jump" shot. Hard enough with grown adults, but with eight 6 year olds...they needed a professional. I must have thrown the basketball into the air 50 times. The students mimicking the ball's trajectory, as I blankly smile and laugh at the situation. It was grand!
By the end of my second shoot, I was worn out. Those girls on America's Next Top Model don't have it so easy. Modeling is hard work! I was really thirsty too! But I wasn't about to let some other english teacher become Miss September! Not on my watch! On to the third shoot.
Science time. My third different class was again gathered around me and a portable gas range stove. Atop the stove was a 1.5 ft. metal tube. The idea would be to place a floppy tissue paper balloon over the pipe and turn the stove on. The balloon fills with hot air and floats to the heavens. The children cry with delight as I look down and pat one on the head saying, "Isn't science wonderful?"
We tried several takes to get this to happen but the closest we got was the balloon floating away and disappearing into the chilly November afternoon. One of the damn kids blinked and messed up the take so we had to try again. We took our second balloon and positioned ourselves in front of a much nicer background. The balloon was ready, the kids were feigning interest, and I turned on the stove.
The wind blew the tissue paper balloon over top of the metal tube, trapping the hot air and creating a fire ball that sent all the students running and screaming. The tissue paper went up in a flash as I tried to stomp out the flames like a mad man. The other teachers screamed in horror as a passing elderly couple looked on with growing intrigue. Luckily as fast as it caught fire, it was out and the only harm done was to my rubber Chuck Taylor sole.
Artist, Athlete, Scientist, Stuntman. Miss September.
Calendar shoot, check
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Dry Armpits
This past summer was the hottest season of my life. It almost certainly wasn't the highest temperature I've experienced but it felt like it. I think I had too many internal stresses, pushing, pulling and radiating heat along with the humid, brothy atmosphere. The past three months wrecked havoc on a typically optimistic outlook of summers in general and my attitude towards pretty much everybody. A particularly bitter lens was slid in front of everyone and everything Korea. Alas they weren't my problem. Sometimes you need to look at yourself first and then your unsightly pit stains.
I've never thought of myself as a sweaty fellow. Sure I was one of the kids who tried hard in gym class and ended up sweaty but that was different. I was exercising my right to dominate you in dodgeball. Now however, just being awake and standing up outside is enough to create delightful halos of sweat beneath each arm.
I learned to deal with it as best I could. 2 shirts was mandatory if I was in an establishment that frowned on the party tank, otherwise that was my summer uniform. This past weekend I had a wedding to attend and had no appropriate summer clothes. I was left with very few options.
I owe it all to my friend. Anthony had been in my ear about his secret to beating the heat since I met him. He too had experienced an overwhelming surge of sweat since arriving and the constant "Ewww Dirty Teacher!" was enough for him to make a change. Anthony's secret was DriClor. It's the anti-perspirant to end all anti-perspirants! I was 100% sure it had cancer in it, so I avoided it for nearly a year but couldn't hold out any longer. I bought it the night before my friend's wedding. Bought it, applied it, and prayed.
That ladies and gentleman is a new man. Improved, confident, and dare I say sure? Sure of himself, sure of his new outlook on life, and sure that he may have cancer. But I ask myself is it worth it? Is it worth smoking cigarettes and being cool knowing what lies ahead? Is it worth eating that whole entire pizza just to prove it to...well nobody? Is it worth immediate gratification for long term heartache? I have no idea but I don't sweat when I stand outside anymore. Boom.
Dry Armpits, check
I've never thought of myself as a sweaty fellow. Sure I was one of the kids who tried hard in gym class and ended up sweaty but that was different. I was exercising my right to dominate you in dodgeball. Now however, just being awake and standing up outside is enough to create delightful halos of sweat beneath each arm.
I learned to deal with it as best I could. 2 shirts was mandatory if I was in an establishment that frowned on the party tank, otherwise that was my summer uniform. This past weekend I had a wedding to attend and had no appropriate summer clothes. I was left with very few options.
I owe it all to my friend. Anthony had been in my ear about his secret to beating the heat since I met him. He too had experienced an overwhelming surge of sweat since arriving and the constant "Ewww Dirty Teacher!" was enough for him to make a change. Anthony's secret was DriClor. It's the anti-perspirant to end all anti-perspirants! I was 100% sure it had cancer in it, so I avoided it for nearly a year but couldn't hold out any longer. I bought it the night before my friend's wedding. Bought it, applied it, and prayed.
That is past sweat not present sweat
That ladies and gentleman is a new man. Improved, confident, and dare I say sure? Sure of himself, sure of his new outlook on life, and sure that he may have cancer. But I ask myself is it worth it? Is it worth smoking cigarettes and being cool knowing what lies ahead? Is it worth eating that whole entire pizza just to prove it to...well nobody? Is it worth immediate gratification for long term heartache? I have no idea but I don't sweat when I stand outside anymore. Boom.
Dry Armpits, check
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Migraine
I have two memories of migraines. Neither of them affected me directly, rather it was a friend and family member. I started to notice my friend Chad was not on the morning school bus, usually for a few days at a time. I was shy but observant and eventually asked about my friend's whereabouts. "He has migraines," a boy said. "Oh that's a headache," I thought to myself. "Chad baby."
My Aunt also had episodes. My mother too, but her sister's experiences I remember more vividly. She is a very quiet person, who could easily slip into the background of a raucous family gathering. When that was the case, often times it was because of a migraine. "Your aunt went to lie down upstairs," my grandmother would say. "Oh she gets to take a nap," I thought to myself. "Big baby."
Welp, last week I had my first migraine. Just Tried It Out cause I heard how much fun they were! And before I continue and forget, I want to apologize for my thoughts of apathy toward all migraine sufferers in years past. They suck.a.lot.
I was teaching my last class of the day, tutoring a 12 yr old girl, when I looked up toward the ceiling at my room's air conditioning unit. I caught a quick glimpse of the lights overhead and they stayed in my vision like staring at the sun too long. As they normally do I expected it to dissipate. Walking home I couldn't shake the hollowed out center of my vision, and I started to feel ill. By the time I got home the headaches had sunk in above and behind my eye sockets. Walking, seeing, talking, and hearing made everything worse. At this point Stephanie didn't know what was happening and I wanted to punch her every time she asked me a question.
I needed complete darkness and silence. I needed space. I needed an empty room in an empty house. I wanted this to stop. It was bad enough that work consumed my days, now it was creeping into my nights. I barely remember dinner and scarfing down two tacos under a dim, table lamp. Immediately I retreated to the bedroom and prayed for silence. When that did not work, I defied my logic and used my voice to ask Steph to search for remedies, cures, and potions. A long, hot shower later, the pain was subsiding and I had dozed off to sleep.
When I woke the next morning, my vision and head still felt off. Like a projector that's been bumped askew, I wanted nothing more than to be realigned. I tiptoed through the morning, knowing I had an 8 hour teaching day ahead of me. The thought of imminent and loud chaos was enough to put me back in I thought. However, I can safely say the migraine never returned and I hope it stays away. It made it's slow and debilitating point. I imagine the early stages of a python constricting your skull to be similar to a migraine. But maybe I'm just a big baby.
Migraine, check.
My Aunt also had episodes. My mother too, but her sister's experiences I remember more vividly. She is a very quiet person, who could easily slip into the background of a raucous family gathering. When that was the case, often times it was because of a migraine. "Your aunt went to lie down upstairs," my grandmother would say. "Oh she gets to take a nap," I thought to myself. "Big baby."
Welp, last week I had my first migraine. Just Tried It Out cause I heard how much fun they were! And before I continue and forget, I want to apologize for my thoughts of apathy toward all migraine sufferers in years past. They suck.a.lot.
I was teaching my last class of the day, tutoring a 12 yr old girl, when I looked up toward the ceiling at my room's air conditioning unit. I caught a quick glimpse of the lights overhead and they stayed in my vision like staring at the sun too long. As they normally do I expected it to dissipate. Walking home I couldn't shake the hollowed out center of my vision, and I started to feel ill. By the time I got home the headaches had sunk in above and behind my eye sockets. Walking, seeing, talking, and hearing made everything worse. At this point Stephanie didn't know what was happening and I wanted to punch her every time she asked me a question.
I needed complete darkness and silence. I needed space. I needed an empty room in an empty house. I wanted this to stop. It was bad enough that work consumed my days, now it was creeping into my nights. I barely remember dinner and scarfing down two tacos under a dim, table lamp. Immediately I retreated to the bedroom and prayed for silence. When that did not work, I defied my logic and used my voice to ask Steph to search for remedies, cures, and potions. A long, hot shower later, the pain was subsiding and I had dozed off to sleep.
When I woke the next morning, my vision and head still felt off. Like a projector that's been bumped askew, I wanted nothing more than to be realigned. I tiptoed through the morning, knowing I had an 8 hour teaching day ahead of me. The thought of imminent and loud chaos was enough to put me back in I thought. However, I can safely say the migraine never returned and I hope it stays away. It made it's slow and debilitating point. I imagine the early stages of a python constricting your skull to be similar to a migraine. But maybe I'm just a big baby.
Migraine, check.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Korea School Cancellation
Yeah, yeah...kids freak when school is cancelled. I remember being promised flurries, looking out my window and having miniature seizures. Willing the clouds to snow more than the weatherman promised and release me from my horrible life of show n' tell, snack time, and one hour recess. Wherein I could watch Maury and play Sega Genesis in my pajamas until dinner. Of course if that failed I would dare the feeble mind of our Superintendent to prematurely cancel school. In that case, less snow was favored, as it proved I had won a battle of the minds from my bedroom window.
Well now I'm a grown up. A grown up teaching English in Korea. I never thought I would feel that same joy ever again. Although I plan to become an elementary school teacher when I return to the US, I never thought I would experience a school cancellation in Korea. The land where education comes before physical exercise, healthy sleeping habits, and normal social interactions. Especially since I teach at an after school, um....school, called a "hagwon." Most students come here after school in case any of the aforementioned perils should attack them on their walk home. The stage is thus set for education to overcome even common sense.
As word got out that schools across the country would be closed as Typhoon Bolaven swung up towards the west coast of the peninsula, I sat and stared out my window. I wasn't willing school teachers or storm clouds this time, but wondering if I could slide out the crack of my 5th story window. After speaking to our manager I learned we would remain open until further notice. I heard open and my idiotic hope was crushed.
What's this? What's this?
My phone's blinking on the chair!
What's this?
A message sent with care!
What's this?
I can't believe my eyes.
I must be dreaming, or perhaps there's been an err!
What's this!
School's canceled and it feels unbelievable.
Our manager sent us a message telling us to rest and not to risk the treacherous 400 m. to work tomorrow. I immediately high fived my girlfriend with my foot and thought of all I would do with my new day off. Not only that, but the positive changes it would have on the rest of my week. A 5 day work week becomes a 3 day pleasure stroll. An impromptu opportunity to shack up inside, watch movies, and like my childhood...play video games. Little did I realize how my teachers were enjoying the very same thing as I was.
Korea School Cancellation, check.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Gyeongju
This past weekend I had 5 days off and wanted to explore Korea more than I have. I have been to all of the major cities and a few beaches during the warmer months. Gyeongju is a city on the east coast about an hour north of Busan. It's self appointed nickname is the "museum without walls," and I guess I could buy that. The downtown boasts several interesting destinations within walking distance. All or most of the sites showcase the ancient Silla dynasty and their Buddhist upbringing.
We stayed in a hostel in the center of downtown, which was great for walking through Anpaji Pond, the Tumuli, and seeing the observation tower. I think Stephanie and I were more impressed with the lotus pond. I don't think I'd ever seen lotus plants that big or plentiful. After a day of walking we looked for a decent restaurant around the hostel but found only chain restaurants. We settled for a so-so bulgogi restaurant, overpaid, and left to look for a bar.
There are none in the main city center. I was stunned. Luckily a blog I found let us in on a university area nearby that had everything we were looking for. We found a great pizza place believe it or not and had some beers outside on a picnic table. The next night we would come back to partake in some of the best dalkgalbi we've had in Korea and a convenience store that sold Vietnamese beer. If you're in the neighborhood I have a great street to recommend.
Our last full day in Gyeongju we got up early and headed for Bulguksa, Korea's most famous temple. On the outskirts of the city and on a mountain slope sits the Buddhist temple grounds known for it's seamless existence in the mountain. Beautifully laid out, I wasn't so amazed at the buildings as much as Kyoto's but the temple grounds were very nice. Above Bulguksa was Seokguram grotto, housing a huge white granite buddha. Sadly I couldn't take pictures but it was beautiful.
Great place to visit, some nice sites, good food, and only an hour from Busan.
Gyeongju, check.
We stayed in a hostel in the center of downtown, which was great for walking through Anpaji Pond, the Tumuli, and seeing the observation tower. I think Stephanie and I were more impressed with the lotus pond. I don't think I'd ever seen lotus plants that big or plentiful. After a day of walking we looked for a decent restaurant around the hostel but found only chain restaurants. We settled for a so-so bulgogi restaurant, overpaid, and left to look for a bar.
There are none in the main city center. I was stunned. Luckily a blog I found let us in on a university area nearby that had everything we were looking for. We found a great pizza place believe it or not and had some beers outside on a picnic table. The next night we would come back to partake in some of the best dalkgalbi we've had in Korea and a convenience store that sold Vietnamese beer. If you're in the neighborhood I have a great street to recommend.
Our last full day in Gyeongju we got up early and headed for Bulguksa, Korea's most famous temple. On the outskirts of the city and on a mountain slope sits the Buddhist temple grounds known for it's seamless existence in the mountain. Beautifully laid out, I wasn't so amazed at the buildings as much as Kyoto's but the temple grounds were very nice. Above Bulguksa was Seokguram grotto, housing a huge white granite buddha. Sadly I couldn't take pictures but it was beautiful.
Great place to visit, some nice sites, good food, and only an hour from Busan.
Gyeongju, check.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Hard Bristles
Here's a fact for ya. Adam Thomas never had a cavity. My teeth hate 'em and simply won't give them the time of day. I owe it to genes or more likely an undying loyalty to my dentist Dr. Rocco. From Grandfather to grandson, our family has been trusting the Rocco's with our pearly whites. Dr. Rocco Jr. never let me down and always led me on a path of righteous smiling.
One cardinal rule from the Roc was the toothbrush bristle. It was either soft or medium. That's it. No fancy designs and mountain landscapes necessary, just buy the soft or medium bristle. I've stuck by those words all my life. Then I left my toothbrush at Mud Fest and had to buy one in Korea.
I had no idea what toothbrush I was buying. I went for a simple color, slight variation on the bristle size and position, but nothing too exciting. I didn't give it much mind and like many of you I thought "a toothbrush is a toothbrush." Well a few brushes in I've come to the conclusion that I broke the Roc's golden rule and have a grim future ahead of me. I got hard. Hard bristles.
Being hard isn't all 2Pac and 50 Cent fun. It hurts the ones you love the most. Every time I brush, it literally feels like my teeth are being moved around inside my gums. I can't even brush the front chompers without a numb tingling sensation afterwards. Poor guys. You fight off cavities your whole life and this is how I tip my cap to you. Just applying toothpaste with a jackhammer.
I thought hard bristles were reserved for grandparents with false teeth made from oak and cement. That's not for me. I have to change my whole brushing technique. I lightly sway the brush back and forth like I'm painting the happiest pine trees in a damn water-color. It's a hard knock life.
Hard bristles, check.
One cardinal rule from the Roc was the toothbrush bristle. It was either soft or medium. That's it. No fancy designs and mountain landscapes necessary, just buy the soft or medium bristle. I've stuck by those words all my life. Then I left my toothbrush at Mud Fest and had to buy one in Korea.
I had no idea what toothbrush I was buying. I went for a simple color, slight variation on the bristle size and position, but nothing too exciting. I didn't give it much mind and like many of you I thought "a toothbrush is a toothbrush." Well a few brushes in I've come to the conclusion that I broke the Roc's golden rule and have a grim future ahead of me. I got hard. Hard bristles.
Being hard isn't all 2Pac and 50 Cent fun. It hurts the ones you love the most. Every time I brush, it literally feels like my teeth are being moved around inside my gums. I can't even brush the front chompers without a numb tingling sensation afterwards. Poor guys. You fight off cavities your whole life and this is how I tip my cap to you. Just applying toothpaste with a jackhammer.
I thought hard bristles were reserved for grandparents with false teeth made from oak and cement. That's not for me. I have to change my whole brushing technique. I lightly sway the brush back and forth like I'm painting the happiest pine trees in a damn water-color. It's a hard knock life.
Hard bristles, check.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Boryeong Mud Festival
Stephanie and I were both saying that we haven't had this much fun in South Korea in a long time. To make matters better we were expecting it to be pretty stupid. We both passed on the event last summer. Jumping around in mud and wrestling US Army guys is just something I've grown out of.
The Boryeong Mud Festival is a yearly event in the coastal city that boasts a healthy, vitamin enriched mud. Originally, locals would come both near and far to rub the mud on their skin and thus be beautiful. Visiting teachers and other foreigners have since caught on and Boryeong has seized the opportunity for huge tourism dollars. They have since added a good music lineup (by Korean standards) of foreign artists. Akon and Infected Mushroom headlined this years event. As well as a side stage on the beach with local acts from across the country. All of this is not to overshadow the main draw to the festival.
Mud Plaza is set up right along the beach, as old men and women carry buckets of mud to a number of troughs. Surrounding the troughs is a theme park of inflatable slides, bouncy rooms, and tunnels to highlight the muddy experience. We skipped the theme park because the lines were pretty long and just covered ourselves from hair to butt crack to toenail in mud. It was way more fun than I thought and I didn't have to get beat into submission by Private 1st Class Peter Chinchetta.
For me though, the best part was the weather. After two and a half weeks of constant cloudy skies and monsoon rains we had a picture perfect weekend at the beach. The town itself reminded me of Jersey shore towns with the souvenir shops and restaurants dotted along the beach. One of the bands played some covers that would've made me do a double take for Mr. Green Genes. The ocean was unbelievably warm and everyone in the crowd was having a good and non-obnoxious time. Korea best!
Boryeong Mud Festival, check
The Boryeong Mud Festival is a yearly event in the coastal city that boasts a healthy, vitamin enriched mud. Originally, locals would come both near and far to rub the mud on their skin and thus be beautiful. Visiting teachers and other foreigners have since caught on and Boryeong has seized the opportunity for huge tourism dollars. They have since added a good music lineup (by Korean standards) of foreign artists. Akon and Infected Mushroom headlined this years event. As well as a side stage on the beach with local acts from across the country. All of this is not to overshadow the main draw to the festival.
Mud Plaza is set up right along the beach, as old men and women carry buckets of mud to a number of troughs. Surrounding the troughs is a theme park of inflatable slides, bouncy rooms, and tunnels to highlight the muddy experience. We skipped the theme park because the lines were pretty long and just covered ourselves from hair to butt crack to toenail in mud. It was way more fun than I thought and I didn't have to get beat into submission by Private 1st Class Peter Chinchetta.
For me though, the best part was the weather. After two and a half weeks of constant cloudy skies and monsoon rains we had a picture perfect weekend at the beach. The town itself reminded me of Jersey shore towns with the souvenir shops and restaurants dotted along the beach. One of the bands played some covers that would've made me do a double take for Mr. Green Genes. The ocean was unbelievably warm and everyone in the crowd was having a good and non-obnoxious time. Korea best!
Boryeong Mud Festival, check
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)