Super Mario Bros. 3

What else would a hungover 25 year old do on a sunny Saturday afternoon? Metroid and Zelda are too difficult. I wanted instant gratification. I never had NES as a child but picked one up before I went to college and Super Mario Bros. 3 was always a nice release for me. Like meditation I could leave my body and look down at myself, sliding through koopas and mushrooms like a man possessed.

But I never went all the way. Either I lost interest or most likely...all my lives. The last world is scary enough to turn away even the fiercest gamer, let alone the final resting place of Bowser. But enough suspense, you're here for the level by level recap.

I'm going to catch a lot of flak for this but I did use the whistles. If you don't know bout dat whistle then stop reading and check yourself. Anyhow it was necessary as I had work later that night and honestly if you can beat the 8th World the others are a breeze. So I picked up both whistles and worked my way through the 3rd World, racking up as much goodies and lives as I could.

Wow this is even boring me.

So yeah I beat the game and that's pretty much it. You probably beat it when you were 10 and I'm a loser for even writing about this.

Super Mario Bros. 3 (loser self-realization), check.

Nudist

I am naked outside on my third floor roof deck at 4:15 PM. Sunning all 6 feet, 165 lbs of Adam Thomas. Surprisingly I thought this would be more nerve racking but turns out most of my neighbors have their blinds closed and there aren't too many wandering eyes. Except for the squirrels on the roof next door, who seem to be ogling me up like Mr. Peanut. Still it's liberating. This is living without boundaries. This is freedom. Cue "God Bless America."

This tryout is actually a double feature. Like the drive-in movies of old, I'm giving you two for the price of none (like you snuck in through your buddies trunk). Obviously being nakey in public is the feature presentation but this is also the first Thomas Tryout Request. This was an idea I played around with a while ago for about 30 seconds, abruptly ending when "make out with a dude" was the first thing my friends could think of. So props to Steph for the idea.

But back to my soon to be rosy cheeks. Aside from the squirrels creeping about I'm pretty calm. After the initial rush and extremely uncomfortable act of climbing out of my tiny kitchen window in the buff, this is very relaxing. Now I know what it must have felt like to walk on the moon. Guaranteed Neil Armstrong pooped his G-Suit when he drew the short straw for that one. But once he was out there, just man and Moon, I bet he was all sorts of jacked up and waving that American Flag all over the place.

Now that I'm out here I wonder if this is illegal. I think this is technically my property, or at least my landlords (who is gone for the weekend). If I end up getting arrested this will turn into the Lollapalooza of Tryouts and I'll definitely be charging you guys. If not just for bail money.

Nudist, check.